Unit 6: Loving-kindness & Integral Assessment

Practicing the loving-kindness exercise brought about a warm “hugged” feeling. I attribute this to the sentences being very familiar to morning prayer and mindfulness focus during meditation. In daily routine, the day is began by offering whatever is possessed to anyone in need. Throughout the day brief periods of meditation provide a much needed re-centering, again this is directed to help those I am in contact with rather than becoming overwhelmed by their need.

The integral assessment offered opportunity to focus in and objectively evaluate current status. Some weeks really are better than others. At this point, I believe self-regulation and health promotion need immediate attention. Generally, health is good with no major complaints except fatigue. However, a closer look would reveal this is the calm before the storm. Nutrition is excellent and fitness is very good, but the physical being is pushed beyond capabilities daily. When at home high demands/work load take 9-10 hours of physical activity daily (including community outreach). Also, another 2+ hours of additional evaluation and research is needed. One to two hours a day is needed for parents (communication, doctor conference calls, etc.). Three to four hours are applied to school and what is left of the day must cover all personal needs. One weekend day is taken to be with husband and “catch-up” on everything else, the other day is school. Every 3-4 weeks this schedule is changed to one placing me as primary caregiver for parents 24/7 for 2-3 weeks at a time. During time available distance work and school demands are still met. Now the one or two hour break is spent in communication with husband, giving support as needed. This is the proverbial “burning the candle at both ends” but no end is in sight. The biological detriment will occur, so now is the time to address the issue before this happens. Some changes in fitness routines are already helping. Thanks to this class a return to contemplative practices and scheduled relaxation time, revitalization is occurring. I believe improving self-regulation will assist in health promotion and provide the insight to function better rather than working harder. I know there are people with many more responsibilities than mine; I applaud their abilities. At the same time, I am very grateful for the levels achieved in other life aspects. Those balances have allowed maintenance of these demands. 

Unit 5 the subtle mind

Spiritual wellness is directly linked to mental and physical wellness, at least that is what I believe. As a teenager, we referred to it as “getting right with God.” We were talking about intentionally moving yourself to a mental and physical state where spiritually could occur. We had ideals of where our minds should be focused and what actions (or inaction) should be taken physically. At that time, we were unaware of terms like subtle mind or unity consciousness. We felt there was something greater, more encompassing, and we wanted to be a part of it. Later, a natural progression into a gentler way of life began to develop. A holistic approach to life developed. It seemed this was the proper path to journey to wellness. This week’s exercise reminded me of those days from long ago.

The subtle mind exercise was very different from the loving-kindness yet similar. Both were difficult to start initially. This may be because the last few weeks have carried tremendous burdens, and de-stressing techniques were not being utilized. Once the decision was made to partake of the activities it was as though a tremendous weight had been lifted from me. Upon completion I feel relaxed and rejuvenated. Here the similarity ends.

The loving-kindness exercises were soft and gentle. The ebb and flow of instilling and giving very much like the ocean tide slowly creeping unto the beach. At first, it is barely there, noticeable but not a focal point. Gradually, the momentum pulls the tide further inland, as the exercise expanded loving-kindness within. Then with great exhilaration the tide rushes back out to sea bringing with it greater serenity, understanding, and the desire to repeat again and again. It was comfortable, like a hammock on a summer’s day, no cares or considerations just enjoyment.

The subtle mind exercise was very intentional driven. The focus on breath made it easier to stay focused throughout the exercise. I felt tethered as a clearing of mental chatter began. It always seem each of those unneeded thoughts and emotions are tugging at me before being released. I finally reached a point of observation. It was similar to flipping through a photo album with a single thought or image on the page. Some were dismissed even before noted recognition, and other simply slipped by as a brief flickering. I experienced brief moments of calmness, stillness, and a sensation of depletion without a void. A single thought emerged briefly, “be still and listen.” Being full and empty at the same moment was intriguing.

Today, I tried something different with the exercise. I went to a favored spot in the wooded area just at the edge of an open field. A warm gentle breeze was blowing and the scent of honeysuckle in bloom filled the air. I sat beneath the oak tree with my dog sleeping near. As I stroked his fur I noted our breathing pattern was in unison. As I focused on each breath I began our exercise. As my mind cleared, from a distance, I was aware I still stroked the dog. The gentle breeze moved wildflowers in the field; it was much like watching a slow motion film unfold. There was a stillness filled with the vibrancy of life, it was surreal. Thought was gone; all that was left was life, an abundance of life.

Over the course of nearly four decades, a connection between mind-body and spirit has been intermittently cultivated. Sadly, at times when it offered the most I often turned away. However, the heart has never turned away. By cultivating the mind and optimizing physical wellness, the spirit has remained strong. Belief will always bring you home, where you are nurtured and have the ability to nurture others.

Unit 4: Mental Workouts (part 2 of 2)

Just as we exercise the body, it is necessary to exercise the mind. Without a mental workout the mind may become closed or narrowly focused. Eventually this focus becomes self-centered, reducing vision even further. Mental workouts directed at elimination of negativity (anger, worry, fear, doubt) open the mind for expansion rather than closing it. Active development of positive (love, kindness, happiness, patience) to replace the negative, improves mental and physical wellbeing. The movement of self focus to giving/enhancing others becomes a natural progression. In turn this advances spirituality.

Daily mental workouts will improve and enhance decision-making, coping skills, and sense of purpose in life. This also pushes aside psychological detriments. Allotting time each day to reflect and clear the mind, to capture and dissolve thoughts harboring ill will lead to almost an automatic “self-cleaning” removing the harm before it diminishes wellbeing. The result is a deeper expansion of consciousness taking the person to the next level toward human flourishing.

Unit 4: Loving-Kindness part 1

During this week’s exercise many different experiences occurred. Loving-kindness is not a new concept or experience. However, experiencing in a non-physical way is a different method. The first attempt contained mixed moments. The immediate affects of clearing the mind were very positive, but focus was broken and I had to restart a couple of times. Finally, I could feel myself melting away. The sensation was as though my body had dissolved and only the consciousness remained. This startled me at first, breaking the moment. I was excited and exhilarated! After walking about for a moment to shake off the tendency to analyze what had just happened I began again. The mind cleared quickly and the slow sensation of melting away returned. I watched myself disappear while remaining detached from thought or emotion.

Following the prompts I visualized those very dear to me, one at a time. If “mind-chatter” began I let the person drift away until I was able to fully direct myself to a single individual. It was as though I had become a waterfall, rushing, spilling and filling my loved one with loving-kindness. The sensation was one of fullness and emptiness at the same moment, a completeness filled with peace. Turning this inward brought a blaze of warmth radiating throughout.

Shifting focus to one that was suffering caused a ripple within. The feelings and images associated with those close passed by quickly. Breathing in the suffering was witnessed as though I was a spectator; watching the ephemeral scene as suffering dissolved. The breath in was heavy and the breath out revitalized. Flashes of images offered suggestions very brief, fluttering scrapes of color.

Expansion of this to a field of faceless images caused a deeper ripple. Heaviness, grayness almost oppressive filled my lungs. (breathe-in, breathe-out) The breath out was light and bright and pouring over the field much like a swollen river leaving its banks; seeping into every nook and crevasse. As I continued the darkness lifted, brightening with each breathe. The flood was absorbed and the faceless individuals became a field of colorful wild flowers.

Yes, I would recommend this exercise. For me it was an exercise of belief. I began fully believing something new was to be experienced. I was not disappointed. Repeated attempts bring more calmness and greater depth. By the fourth day (maybe fifth) there was a confidence and further outreach. Simultaneously, the inner peace grew. 

Unit 3: Self Evaluation & Goals

I believe it is important to step back and take an honest look at yourself and your behaviors on a regular basis. In rating my current status, I give myself a 9 for physical wellbeing. I am 52 with no major health problems. My weight is on the low end of the range for my age and height. I exercise daily and as am blessed with the ability to grow much of the food we eat. Our diet is low fat, low sodium, and rich in fresh fruits and vegetables. In another class my actual age rating for my lifestyle choices, diet, exercise, etc. places me at age 40 (made me feel good about my efforts). I feel I have room for improvement due to not receiving adequate rest to allow my body proper rejuvenating time. This will result in periodic migraine headaches and flare-ups of CFS. Both are becoming fewer and further between but there is room for improvement (elimination).

Spiritually, I will give myself a 9 as well. I have known and accepted I am part of something much larger and connected with all other living beings/things since a child. I feel quite often I am more diligent in staying connected spiritually than maintaining optimal mental or physical status. Daily time is taken to reach out and marvel at the wonders provided, the miracles observed, and to acknowledge, be grateful, for all that is. Unreserved giving, compassion, love, and support are a natural part of each minute of the day. I believe there is room for improvement, because I do have days when my own woes become a focus.

Psychologically, I see myself as an 8.9. I spend too much time chastising myself to “get over it.” While there are not great impacts on physical and spiritual areas, mentally it does become overwhelming. Between parents, husband, work, home, kids, and school I do well to work in 4-5 hours of sleep a day. My mind becomes too busy. The terminal illness in parents and uncertainty of my husband’s health provides a good deal of stress not to mention a wide range of emotional responses. Likewise, working with individuals suffering chronic illness or physical limitations adds more pressure. Each person is dear to me, I feel their frustration and pain as we try to work through and optimize their wellbeing. When returning to school I set a goal to be an honor student. To date I have maintained a 4.0 GPA, again this is more mental pressure. For those of you with small children, the parental worry does not reduce when they are grown. Our recent weather and destruction of lives, uncertainty with income, and many other things plague me mentally, if I do not keep it all in check. Honestly, some days are harder than others to do so, thus the rating.

My goals are to improve my rest, become more grounded spiritually, and maintain better control of stress. Fortunately, the interconnection between the areas and goals offers several potential activities to help in all areas. I have a 14-year old Cairn terrier who stills views himself as a puppy. Taking his lead and stopping to investigate/appreciate the world around us is a great place to start. Since moving to the country leash walks are not mandatory with the fenced in acreage.  However, he remembers the city and still enjoys a leash walk. Exploring with him the woods, and partaking of the sensory stimulation will renew a connection spiritually. The leisure walk will also slow activity to a resting pace. Likewise, turning off mental stress and replacing it with positive sensory stimuli will improve psychological state. Years ago I practiced Yoga. I have acquired a couple of Yoga CDs and plan to start back with this practice. This will improve physical flexibility, refocus mental state, and enhance spirit. Finally, I will return to a 10-15 minute total relaxation exercise before bedtime each night. (Why do we stop things so important?)This may be mindfulness meditation directed toward physical or mental balance. Perhaps some nights only a visualization of removal of stresses and total relaxation to all parts of the body will suffice. The important part will be daily incorporating this into my bedtime routine. Again, this will have physical, mental, and spiritual application.

The relaxation exercise for this unit was very helpful to me last night. I found it helped me move from the impacts of a very stressful day into a peaceful night of almost 6 hours sleep (unbelievable)! I can see benefits of utilizing this exercise during a lunch break to refocus and reenergize for the afternoon ahead.